How to Become Stress Hardy

By Dr Ashraf Girgis

Have you seen some people go through the test of life’s hardships and pass with flying colors? We all want to develop this type of “stress hardiness.” If you’re wondering what the “secret” of these stress hardy people is, you are not alone. Psychologist Suzanne Kobasa noticed this unique type of behavior while she was only a student and later decided to study it to find out what the “secret” really was (Kobasa, 1979). In the 1970s, the top executives at AT&T were facing a great deal of stress: many workers were losing their jobs or being reassigned. Kobasa noticed two different responses from these executives: some had a hard time and began visiting doctors more frequently, while others seemed to thrive under the pressure. Since Kobasa first observed this, other scientists have also looked into how individuals can become stress hardy and face difficulties without much damage to their mental or physical wellbeing (Funk, 1992). Over time, stress hardiness skills can be strengthened, eventually becoming habits.

Let’s look closer at the findings of Kobasa and her colleagues. The results of their research became known as the “Three C’s” of stress hardiness.

1. Commitment

Many people are committed to a cause at their work or outside of work; perhaps they even feel this cause is their calling. When you are committed to something, you are committed to looking for solutions. Regardless of how stressful a situation may be, you are willing to invest more effort in finding ways to resolve issues, which means you are less likely to give up or become shaken by the problems. This leads to the feeling of being in the “driver’s seat” of a stressful situation.

Most importantly, people who are committed live in a state of mindfulness. In other words, they live in the “here and now.” When we live in the present moment, we forget about the past and future, and our mind is focused only on the task at hand. Mindfulness is one of the best approaches to any kind of stressful situation. Try to be committed to each moment. Not only will you be less stressed, you will also be more successful at resolving issues and improving relationships (among other things) due to your ability to focus.

2. Control

Maintaining the mindset that everything is under your control is another way of handling stressful situations. Feelings of helplessness are what cause stress, so your perception of a situation plays a crucial role in your ability to respond with hardiness . By changing your outlook, you can empower yourself and return to the driver’s seat of the situation, meaning that you feel as though you are in control of whatever the stressor may be.

To practice this, I teach my clients to utilize positive self-talk in stressful situations. Tell yourself that you acknowledge the problem, but you will find a solution soon. Additionally, sometimes performing a small task can make you feel like you are in control. For example, when I feel stressed, I often start cleaning my drawers or my closet (depending on how much time I have). This leads to a feeling of calm. It is almost as though the mind sees you as the controller once again, despite the fact that the task you completed was unrelated to the problem.

It is also important to remember that you can only control what you can control. Trying to manage others who are outside of your control will only add to your stress.  

3. Challenge

People who look at stressful situations as a challenge seem to cope with stress much better. Next time you have a problem, why not let go of the “victim” mentality and see it as a challenge?

For example, ask yourself: though some degree of similarity is important in relationships, how boring would your relationship be if you and your husband looked at everything the same way? The same goes for work. The beauty of the workplace, home, and big social settings is the challenge that their diversity brings. Our differences in beliefs and our varied perceptions on life are what spice up this world.

Reframing stressful situations as challenges can help us look toward the future without perceiving it as a threat. The difficulties we face can be positive, by bringing issues to the forefront and making us look at them, question them, and find acceptable solutions for all involved. 

My experiences dealing with clients’ stress has led me to add a fourth and fifth component to becoming stress hardy:

4. Support

Leaning on others in difficult times and seeking advice from those with a different viewpoint will lessen the pressure of stress on you. It will allow you to understand that you are not alone. Seek support from family members, coworkers, friends, members of your religious organization, or just general support groups. This will allow you to deal with your issues in a much healthier way than just assuming you have to deal with the issue alone. Being in supportive relationships with others is part of our DNA: a healthy social life is necessary for both mental and physical wellbeing.

5. Spirituality and Religion

When discussing the first “C” of stress hardiness, commitment, I touched on the topic of belief. When you look at the stressful issue at hand as your calling, you deal with it much more effectively and enthusiastically than you would otherwise. In other words, believing in a higher power that rules our universe helps us to deal with our problems in a much better way. This higher power can be the God you believe in, a form of energy, karma, or something else. Anything that makes you believe this stressful situation can be resolved not only by your own hard work but also by the control of a higher power is helpful. You can do everything in your control to resolve issues causing you stress, but in the end there are always things beyond our control. No matter what we do, sometimes we’re unable to change the outcome, and that’s okay as well. There are reasons for why things happen which are beyond our understanding. Sometimes we simply need to accept that and move on.

A form of belief can be especially helpful when the stress we face is the death of loved ones or our own mortality. Having religious or spiritual beliefs helps us to move through these difficult times in peace, knowing that regardless of what happens on earth, we are only here temporarily.

References:

 Kobasa, S.C. (1979), Personality and resistance to illness. American Journal of Community Psychology, 7: 413-423. doi:10.1007/BF00894383

Funk, S. C. (1992). Hardiness: A review of theory and research. Health Psychology, 11(5), 335-345. doi:10.1037/0278-6133.11.5.335